This is what i have to say. I'm naked. And i'm in public.
Naked. In pubic. This is not my ass. My ass is wider than this.
- Look, talking to your ex about money can be awkward. Always make it easier by paying someone else to listen. I suggest a rate of $150/hour to start. And how does *that* make you feel? When you're done, tweet about it with the hash tag #losangeles.
- That said, talking to your ex about who you're currently in love with/having sex with seems way less awkward. "Social lubricant" helps.
- If you go to Cafe Stella, order a martini. That will make it classy, no matter what. Even if you're alone. Especially if you're alone.
- If he casually asks you to buy him a drink, laugh. He's the one that will be paying for it in the long run. #lol
- If you see someone and are reminded of all the reasons you broke up *AND* you still want to sleep together? You were in love in a past life. I'm sorry, but it's true.
- Don't sleep with him. No seriously. Just don't.
- If you've ever wondered if he was gay, try to sleep with him. That should sort out any confusion.
- When in doubt: Vintage cocktail dress.
- If a Major Lazer remix of Smack my Bitch Up by The Prodigy comes on while you're having sex, just go with it.
And...I got nothing.
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